A lotta nerve

Now that I am of a certain age, I can safely say that enough stablished rules for any given community are as much appealing as basic freedom to any desired communal system. I'm too much of a cynical to be after a real commune, nevertheless it was decades ago since I was into love and a cottage or pure isolation... if I ever was for more than a couple of fundamental months. Somewhere in between, as it is for most of the time, should lie the balance. Somehow my partner, who wanted to be left alone working like a madman before winter comes, trusted me to call out a bunch of friends and colleagues all the way from Germany to come visit and collaborate artistical, theoretical or even practically within our first three months of settling in and start repairing and building our house, the association's headquarters and the garden. In trials we are, let's call it that way, as every single visit was previously discussed - even when he doesn't remember so - and it definitely was an opportunity to question diverse aspects of the shared vision for the life project we just started turning into reality.

As much as we've tried, we couldn't have had all first weeks' unexpected tasks, costs, deadlines and emotional damages that would make us exhausted and ambivalent to each other's approaches in mind. So people came, one after the other, sometimes cohabiting in a crowded crazy passing through, other times staying too long or even too dependent, seldom just the way one wishes for. In any case, maybe still acting a bit too transparently, not to say impulsively, meaning not that nice, reserved or always agreeable, I think I learnt how to not have great expectations from friends and comrades, stating clearly enough what's not welcome in our territory. Because it is ours. And my partner, mostly always nice and apparently communicative, has his own elegant way of saying little in public, but complaining a lot in private, disappearing way too often and leaving me with the whole responsibility of dealing with the communication. Fair enough, it seems, hoping that we both survive together to these self made eventful circumstances. May he find his intimacy more intact in time to come, may I feel less useless dreaming of non authoritarian orchestras.

Of one thing I'm certain: My solitude is inhabited by unusually supportive, unique people. I'm genuinely happy to have them close for real. Some might just receive or give back the little they can, others the exact decided amount, many are still looking after that very same meaning that brought us here with what we already had. It's now up to us to set rules and also to save some untouchable space, including between us both. Trusting that we all keep listening and observing, staying truthful to the core of feelings and thoughts. Eventually reaching consensus too.

 

Bob Dylan - Positively 4th Street - YouTube