Beyond Gloom

A little fairy from Berlin, who says that women need to be in power, arrived here a week ago and has already left for southwestern Germany, where I have never been and would like to one day — if I ever could, to finally venture into the Black Forest, not to revisit wasteland. She was in need of real rest, and apparently so was I. At least when it comes to darker bits that no longer are but that might nonetheless become ruminative if not still mentioned from time to time. Perhaps so that the reasons why they ceased to be do not vanish either. So we climbed the mountains and went down them too, enjoying the sunshine as the windy rain, seasonal cold air and warm, comforting meals; such is the simplicity of trust and intimacy, restored by communing over the local red wine and the nutty homemade bread among other slow doings.

It all takes time, it is [always] that time. I can’t seem to find it lately, the right timing for my arts and crafts, but I did finally take care of the latest steps in the path we could find (as an eco/cultural collective in Portugal) to stay afloat by offering a genuine alternative to fake regeneration. I’m supposed to be finishing the association’s paperwork, but I’m afraid emerging survival attempts can’t wait… I’ve spoiled the afternoon online with evil job proposals for remote marketing and I did engage in social media much more than needed for work purposes. Despite some awareness and a little progress, we all tend to keep carrying unwanted personality traits all the way through maturing: the heaviest one for me surely is escapism. Still, I woke up on my own in a silent home and had my coffee in the sun. I let the chickens out in the early morning and brought them in safely at dusk. The dog and I walked freely around three times, the doors were locked with the cat already under the blankets, and we turned then inwardly to the sudden solitude. This strikes me now as important and necessary, even or especially for creativity.

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Last night was the longest and it is said of the sun to appear to stay still for a while. May we truly learn to align ourselves with the seasons and make the most of the current lull to allow the growing light in.

Photo by Christian Jeschke, Berlin 2018