Exposé

After a long while, today I am testing myself as I am moving straight into different kinds of planed exposure. We spend most of our awake time splitting it into parcels, that’s how we limit wishful thinking and organize shared realities. In my perceived reality there are nearly always bilateral vulnerabilities to consider in the face of one’s own and others’ choices, and more or less acceptable ways of communicating them to each other; if bonds or dynamics are mutually signifying, then it does matter to somehow work on efforts to address personally terribly disappointing outcomes. Neither silence nor perpetual inaction are essentially satisfactory lifetime options. However, it may become easier to accept those if one does not give up testing the actual willingness of any of the actors to meet on common ground. Then perhaps you can stop wasting time in the absence of fundamental commonalities: it is precisely the very time invested in doing so that supports the irreversible nature of greatly desired closures. 

One could only hope that at some stage the ultimate stroke would finally show up to finish tearing down what may remain of any ruins still standing. I am now that stage. Or else I wouldn’t really be caring much about my own balance (the state of which also determines that of the whole in any given constellation). 

With or without illusions of being in control, believing or not in the widest free will: we are what we do and what we don't do, but also how we end up doing it or not along the way - to each other, to ourselves. To reproduce symbols, whether carefully or sloppily, brutally or kindly, is nothing more than a particular attempt to represent ideas meant to be universal.