No Regrets

Five days away I got married in Évora, the town where I met my husband 24 years ago. I was studying theatre studies at the University and co-directing a theatre group for local amateurs and colleagues, and he showed up with his brother, who thought I was a junkie but I was just playing one - I thought they were farmers and one of them turned out to indeed become one. The rest is a really long story involving many faces and places (ours, not that theatre group's, though). It was in the house where he then lived, with two dogs, three siblings and their parents, and where only my mother-in-law now lives, that we spent a nice siesta after the celebratory lunch with four guests… and a very brief night. The next day we headed for Lisbon, where I said the ultimate farewell to the finally completely empty house that saw the passing of my mother seven years ago. We returned to Alfama, where we were once both joyful and miserable until we left the country with some hope and a few dreams in 2007, for two staggering days. We dealt with various tasks and legalities together, we celebrated my goddaughter's 6th birthday, listened to fado, drank port, ginjinha and bitter almond, saw the river, felt the sun, we’ve hugged friends one more time (and I also quit the Portuguese bread, olives, butter and buttery sheep’s cheese, coffee, and wine once again). 

Still on my own I came back to Berlin on Sunday, without knowing exactly when we will see each other again. He stayed there to take care of our future in Alentejo, I remain here for now: the time to embrace emigration and be productive has come, which is how you say make money faster, if you ever want to leave. Let’s see what I can compromise with.

I am carrying no regrets. I did what I did as I wanted to, how I could (with a little help from my friends and supporters). What was left undone, I will return to when I can, if I can, with no hard feelings. Not anymore. Cheers to my Berliner psychologist, whom I am almost ready to let go of. 

Tomorrow I turn 43. Life is short and I have been so lucky while dodging too much tragedy. There is never enough time to feel happy, I want to use all that I'm still entitled to.