Serving me well

My memory serves me well, it tells me just enough. I remember almost perfectly what happened to me, but mostly I try to work on my own conceptions of present, to think that time turns reality into whatever is within the reach of perception, which is very often a decision.

It's raining cats and dogs, and it's feeling strangely comforting, although there has been barely any sun since I came back home. I am living alone with the cat for some time now… I wish my long distance love, who is also a baker, was also here working and baking delicious bread. Today I need to buy white bread, lemons and red wine… besides that it's just taking care of the cat, as Thursdays are free again and I am not worrying, I think the path in the elected direction is making itself very clear.

I slept till later and I am reading, writing e-mails and video calling with friends in the kitchen: quietly developing dramaturgical and production work, alternating between “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland”, feminist psychology on dreams, the website and social media (for our art collective’s near future projects). You could say - what a luxury! It is. But apart from the luck of geographic and class origin, it has all been my construction and no ending work on myself. The house could use some more further cleaning, but like I said: decisions, decisions, decisions. I am not alone now, but I could be. So alone that I could die. You cannot help who doesn’t want to be helped, as you cannot force collaborations and long lasting friendship where there’s no sense of care and continuity.

The rain did stop. We will be downstairs for a few moments to take care of the information window and eat some herbs.

This Wheel's On Fire - Siouxsie And The Banshees

through the looking glass